oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
