this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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