I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
