all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
