So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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