i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
