try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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