i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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