Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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