I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
