last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
