How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
