I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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