I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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