I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
