Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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