Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it penis luge time yet?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
