I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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