I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
