The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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