So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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