I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
