Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
