she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
