You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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