I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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