I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry about my life...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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