dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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