drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
