I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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