She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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