oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
