Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i love accidental penises.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
