My sheets look like a crime scene.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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