It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
