How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
