I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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