my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
