I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
