Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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