dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
