i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
