Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
