I think my vagina is haunted
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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