I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
