now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
