K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
