i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
