he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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