we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
